Monday, December 6, 2010

A Mom's Letter To Santa

Hello Everyone!  I hope you had a wonderful weekend!  Our little ones did their very first performance at church on Sunday.  They had a rehearsal on Friday and Scooter was licking his lips and acting very nervous.  Chewy was jumping around at the rehearsal like she had eaten a whole package of M&M's.  At the actual performance on Sunday Scooter very quietly said his verse and did the actions.  Chewy stood there staring at the hundreds of people and only remembered to do the last 2 actions.  So cute!  There were 6 little ones doing the verse at the first service and they were just adorable!  They could have totally messed up the verse and it still would have been the cutest thing ever!  (Luke 2:10-11 in case you were wondering.)  Then the elementary age children put on the most wonderful musical for the entire church.  Such amazing and talented children! 

I'm beginning my 2 weeks of Christmas festivities here.  Simple, easy, thrifty, funny.  Easy stuff for mommas, poppas, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and everyone in between.  From the mommy point of view.  You're welcome to join me and even suggest things.  It should be a thrilling time.  Kinda like eating fudge, but without all the guilt. 

And to start it all off I've got "A Mom's Letter to Santa."  This is all over the Internet, but it's worth repeating.  And I wish I knew who to give the credit to.  It's always listed "by Anonymous Mom."  But I can relate.  I'm sure most moms can relate to a portion of this.  Whether you're a mom or not, it's just something fun to read.  Enjoy!

A Mom's Letter to Santa
by anonymous mom

Dear Santa:
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have). I want arms that don't flap in the breeze but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy. If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music.

It would be nice to have a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

And please don't forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the in-laws' house seem just like mine.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always...Mom.

P.S. - One more can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

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