Friday, November 4, 2011

Gopher Wars

Those pesky little varmints!

Okay, we started a year ago trying to get rid of moles/gophers...whatever we have...the humane way.  We tried those annoying noise making sticks.

Didn't work.  Believe me....they don't work at all.  They're a waste of money.  We had those things in the ground for nearly a year and the batteries didn't die.  They just don't work.  The gophers even dug tunnels next to the sticks.  I'm sorry if you're the manufacturer of those things, but they don't work.  You're free to come to my place and see.  Or pat yourself on the back for making money off of those things.  No hard feelings.

Oh...and those smoke bomb things that we just tried recently?

Yep, they don't work either.  We resorted to sticking three or four bombs in at a time and just watched our money go down the stupid gopher hole.  And I'm not kidding when I say that our house started to stink because the smoke was coming from the gopher tunnels under our house and up into our master bedroom.  Nasty.  Nasty smell and nasty gophers.

Our gophers are like the one from "Caddyshack."  They're devious little evil things that try to make us go nutty.  They were shoving the burnt out smoke bombs back out.

Yep, I took a picture of it once.  It happened more than once.

Then one day as I was excavating the tilings and opening up the gopher holes for Biker Boy to bomb them, I found a hole I just dug open plugged back up with fresh dirt.

What did I do?  I opened the hole back up and positioned my two little sentries at the door.

Stupid gopher.  It drove me nutty.  I'll say it again.... STUPID GOPHER.  *deep breath*

My sentries went back to playing "house" in the woods and I kept watch over the hole.  The dog was eager to help me.  I stabbed at it (the gopher, not the dog) with a stick and a shovel, but couldn't get at it.

I'm not kidding when I say that gopher was taunting me.  I even took a video.  Yes, it was driving me that nuts.  You can see that little sucker pushing dirt back out at me in the video.  I took the video to prove I wasn't totally nuts.  Only slightly.  But it's too much to upload here right now.  And moving on....

I cried and wept to Biker Boy when he got home how that stupid gopher wasted an hour of my day.  Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit there, but Biker Boy got online and researched some non humane ways to rid ourselves of pocket gophers.  Yep, smoke and poison are not humane, but they weren't working.

After some recommendations from local friends, Biker Boy ordered 4 gopher traps. Okay, they're not really traps.  They're gopher killing machines.  But they kill the gopher so quick that it doesn't even know what's happening.  And, get this....they're called "The Gophinator."  I laughed, you can too.  I'm not sure where Biker Boy got them from, but they work when you bait them with peanut butter.  Yum....peanut butter.

Score one for The Gophinator.  We have one dead gopher so far.  And you know what?  They're huge.  It was like a large rat with enormous teeth and claws.  Rather freaky looking.

But we've got more gophers.  And so goes our quest to rid ourselves of tunnel making, foundation compromising, grass wreaking little varmints.

Gophers: 612, Us: 1

Feel free to vent your gopher and mole stories.  Any other "Caddyshack" gophers out there?

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